Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky....

not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.